I don’t remember if I ever talked about this. I don’t think I did because I used to talk about it all the time in my LiveJournal account and I wanted this blog to be the complete and utter opposite of that blog. It was absolutely awful. But this ia very important now, more important than I realized until now .
In High School, I met a boy.
I really liked this boy.
Unfortunately (well actually Fortunately), he had no interests in me. But instead of giving me a straight up answer, he was sort of vague. He was vague enough to give me hope. However, back then and even now I was/am the obsessive sort. I obsessed over everything I loved. So I obsessed over him too.
A lot of “bad” came out of this.
I was humiliated more than once and it was my own fault for the most part. I was young and stupid.
But the worst thing was, even after High School, I still had feelings for this boy. I probably still do.
I wanted him to know and acknowledge my feelings, but he (and I) made it very difficult to have that conversation without looking like a psycho stalker. So it never happened. Thus I fretted a lot about “what ifs” and “maybe it’s not too late-s”.
When mom died, perhaps I was even more desperate for comfort and happiness and love than ever before, so my obsession was in high gear.
It came to the point where I begun to resent him and even resented myself for liking him this much when he has done absolutely nothing to deserve my love. It made no real sense to me and destroyed my naive concept of love. I thought if you loved someone this strongly, it had to be for a reason. We had to be soulmates or it was destiny or something, anything.
That’s how strongly I felt about him.
What I didn’t know then what I know now is that there WAS a reason for my feelings. It IS destiny.
This revelation came to me last Sunday morning. unexpectedly in a great euphoric moment.
You see, six years ago I went to an online psychic. She was the one who pointed me towards The Secret and all the self-help/spiritual material I devoured over the course of the next few years. I am who I am now because of her. She helped me become the happy and peaceful person I am today.
But this is what blew my mind.
I originally went to her because I was going to see this boy at a party and I, the obsessed nut I was, desperately wanted to know what I could do, if I could even do anything, to at least start a talking relationship with him. I’d take anything at this point, even friendship (we hadn’t spoken in a long time).
So I went to her for love advice (which is probably the worst place to look for something like that, but either way I have no regrets).
Thus, if it weren’t for him, if it weren’t for the way he treated me, I wouldn’t have had doubt, I wouldn’t have had this obsession, I wouldn’t have gone to that psychic, and in the end, I wouldn’t be the happy and peaceful personal I am today.
I don’t even need to forgive him. He’s done everything perfectly, even the things that hurt.
Everything happened for a reason.
I feel like my strong attraction for him was because of this. Because he was the launching point. My soul or mind or wherever these strong feelings of attraction came from somehow knew in the long run that this was the best thing for me in order to get what I desperately wanted and needed.
I truly believe it was destiny.
And for that, instead of feeling resentful or angry or even forgiving, I feel thankful. I am grateful of him and my experiences with him.
I believe this is true forgiveness.
I believe that the truest act of forgiveness is when you don’t even need to forgive because you recognize that the person did nothing truly wrong. That you wouldn’t be the person you are today or are capable of becoming if it weren’t for whatever it was that the person did or whatever event occurred.
People and events happen in your life and it’s all in accordance to what you have chosen to experience, whether consciously or unconsciously.
I believe this 100%.
This revelation is just more proof.
I wanted to be happy and have all my dreams come true.
I am making it happen. The Universe is making it happen, in ways I never would have expected.
Has this ever happened to you? Has something happened in your life that you thought was terrible at the time, but turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to you?