I’m Scared

I’m scared.

I’m scared I will fail.

I’m scared I will never publish anything – not my writing, not my art, not my skills, not my potential, nothing.

I’m scared I will quit and settle for a job I hate.

I’m scared of financial ruin because of my unrealistic expectations and standards.

I’m scared my decisions are based on fear or illogical thinking and thus, I’m scared I can never trust myself.

I’m scared I will never leave Puerto Rico. I’m scared of dying on this island without ever leaving.

I’m scared I will never fulfill my potential.

I’m scared I will never live fully.

I’m scared I will never be financially independent.

I’m scared I will settle with a man I do not love just so I can survive on his support.

I’m scared I will die alone, penniless in the street, forgotten.

I’m scared I will never fall in love with someone who loves me back.

I’m scared I’ll squander my youth and beauty.

I’m scared I will get cancer and die before I turn fifty.

I’m scared I will never achieve anything.

I’m scared I will be told, “I told you so.”

I’m scared I am wrong.

I’m scared of doing poor work.

I’m scared I will die by my own hands.

I’m scared I have ADD, bipolar disorder, or some other mental illness that will forever keep me from achieving my goals.

I’m scared my spine will become even more crooked than it already is.

I’m scared of going blind.

I’m scared my car or house will break down beyond repair.

I’m scared I will continue to build debt till I have to file for bankruptcy.

I’m scared I will never learn from my mistakes.

I’m scared my situation will never change, will never improve.

I’m scared I will always choose the wrong path, the wrong choices.

I’m scared of turning thirty and still be where I am today in regards to the progress of the goals I had as a teenager.

I’m scared I will end up like my mother.

I’m scared I have no control over my behavior, my future nor my thoughts.

I’m scared I will never master a single skill in my lifetime.

I’m scared I will never make a single physical, emotional and intimate connection with another human being.

I’m scared I will be proven wrong.

I’m scared of doing things differently.

I’m scared of putting myself out there. I’m scared of making myself vulnerable.

I’m scared of going outside my comfort zone.

I’m scared of making my own path because it might be the incorrect one.

I’m scared I will make an irreversible mistake.

I’m scared I will be proven right.

I’m scared my head is in the clouds and not in reality.

I’m scared I’m doomed.

I’m just scared.

 

What are you scared of?

 

 

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6 thoughts on “I’m Scared

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  1. I don’t know what I would do if I did fail. I’ve staked so much–my hopes, my dreams, my financial future on this supposedly crazy dream of becoming a published author. So yes I am terrified of the notion that I could. Some days that fear becomes overwhelming to the point I can’t even look at a blank page. Some days that fear serves as fuel for my determination.

    There’s a song I love to listen to as a reminder of the latter. It’s called Fly by a Hawaiian singer-songwriter named Anuhea.

    Getting rolled around like the waves in the tide
    Knock me down and hold me under
    But I will rise
    And I
    I’ve been told the universe conspires to assist
    In making dreams realities for those who persist
    And all
    All things are for purpose they won’t pass you by
    Every knock you take is an opportunity to fly

    “Don’t give up” sometimes I feel
    Those words are too often used to be real
    When will things finally go my way
    Guess I’ll suck it up and work and waste yet another day
    Try to hide the signs I’ve almost hit the wall
    I fake like I got it together but I, but I, but I don’t at all

    And I
    I’ve been told that desperate times call for same in measures
    But I don’t want to live with more pain than pleasure

    And yes, all
    All things are for purpose they won’t pass you by
    Every knock you take is an opportunity to fly

    Relentlessly I hold my breath till the pressure fades
    And I’m saved so wash all my worries away,
    Its okay
    Don’t be afraid
    You get to start all over again
    Cause everybody knows stay away from the undertow
    To get knocked down is going to hurt but don’t fight through the flow
    Let go
    Keep your head above the waterline
    And decide
    Do you want to sink or fly?

    1. Great song! I know the feeling. The stakes are so high. But sometimes I feel like the higher the stakes the better because now I feel like I MUST succeed.

  2. Here goes:
    I’m scared of becoming ‘Buttercup’
    I’m scared I married my father
    I’m scared I will end up doing to my son what ‘they’ did to me
    I’m scared of the dark
    I’m scared I chose wrong
    I’m scared the lonliness will never leave
    I’m scared of ‘me’
    I’m scared I won’t reach my full potential
    I’m scared of facing all my demons head on
    I’m scared of letting down those that mean the most to me

    1. Buttercup? Like from the Powerpuff Girls?

      And I feel like putting down my worst fears down on papers in words gives them less power and they become a lot less scary.

      I hope it helps 🙂

  3. I’m scared to admit I’m scared. Therefore, you are braver than me. 🙂

    Also, even though I only “know” you through your blog, I would be rather upset if “I’m scared I will die by my own hand” became a reality.

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