I really got to find variety with my posts…
Anyways, a little bit about myself. *everyone groans* Just a bit more!
I’m not quite sure if I mentioned this before, but my 17 year old brother lives with me. It’s my responsibility to make sure he has everything he needs to be happy and take him to school in the morning. ….It’s not as easy as it would seem.
Let me tell you something. Ever since I my mother died, I wanted children of my own. I wanted three boys. I even picked names for them and everything.
After these last couple of years living with my brother, I’m having second thoughts. At least one thing is for sure…
When my sons turn 13, they’re going to boarding school!
Was I ever this difficult when I was a teenager? I don’t think so. Back then, I thought everything I did was wrong and every thought I had was flawed. My mother’s word was Law. But my brother is like the opposite. He knows EVERYTHING. Way more than me. I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.
It drives me crazy.
What’s even worse, he’s half right. But only half. True, I don’t know half of what the heck I’m saying, but I know for a fact he knows even less.
But still, I love him. I want to help him. But here’s the problem. I don’t know how. He’s almost rebellion incarnate! His concept of reality is far more twisted than mine. At least I’m on the opposite side of the spectrum, where love and goodness will eventually bring about world peace. I don’t even think he believes “good” exists. When I talk to him it’s like talking to someone who lives on another planet and is still living there.
Perhaps that’s also why it’s so difficult for me. We have conflicting personalities.
We’d make great main characters for a novel.
But this isn’t a novel. It’s real life.
All I can do is my best, even if its lacking…because I really have no clue what I’m doing.
This is the sort of life lesson that can be applied to writing, or pretty much anything you’re trying to accomplish.
Your best might not exactly be the best in the beginning. It’s even worse when you reach that point in your learning, something that’s called “conscience incompetence” or something like that, where you become aware of just how much you don’t know when trying to do whatever it is you’re trying to do.
I’ve become very aware of how much I don’t know when acting as my brother’s guardian. I’m even more aware of how much I don’t know in terms of storytelling….which can be crippling at times.
But this is nothing compared to back in the day when I didn’t even know how much I didn’t know…you know?
Anyways…the point is…
Just keep doing your best.
It’ll all work out in the end.
Feel free to share your own experiences of realizing your best isn’t where you’d like it to be, but you persevere anyways.